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Being a dog is good. You should try it. Yesterday was a good day. I celebrated by jumping in the fishpond, grabbing some reeds and decorating the back carpet for the mum. She likes pretty things from the garden. I got some sticks too, and chewed them up into little pieces, like snowflakes from that Frozen movie they keep watching over and over and over. Pretty.

I’m getting too far ahead though. I’m already 7. Months old. Practically old enough to drive. I met this family when I was a tiny baby, only 8 weeks old, and small enough to fit in their hands. I weed and pooed and weed and pooed and they made lots of Ooooohhh noises and there was a giant dog called Herbie already living there who growled at me a lot … to be honest I don’t really remember much about any of it.

What I do know is that my girl Little L was pretty cool right from the start. She stayed awake with me while I cried and she kept sticking her finger till blood came out and breathing on me, saying ‘Let’s test, Kira’. Sometimes she smelt good – really sweet – and other times she smelt awful. It was all totally confusing, but they keep saying I’m pretty smart even for a Labrador. The grownups gave me AWESOME food when she smelt bad. I told you being a dog is good.

Puppy’s daily tip: Being a dog is good

Now I try to tell them every time her breath smells bad, and they give me more awesome food. Even when she smells good I get food. Just biscuits, but still. FOOD, you guys. I tried it once or twice when she smelt normal, just to test them out, and licked little L all over and patted her with my paw till she pricked her finger for the blood, but it didn’t work. No food. They just said ‘good test, thank you’. Disappointing. Every test I sit with her. About 7 times a day, before every meal, and then she eats her food and doesn’t give me any. The best part is when she’s low and smells weird and yuck, and she gives me her juice after she’s finished, as WELL as the good food. Lows are awesome!

They call me ‘Kira’. They say it so many different ways I can’t count. KIRA!!!!!! Every time I used to wee somewhere. Or poo. Just a few poos, here and there, in little secret places. I’d usually forgotten all about it by the time they found them. The mum said something about dogs and nappies. I don’t know what that meant. And ‘Kirrrraaaa’ in this singing voice, and a short one, usually with with ‘COME’ after it, and lots of ‘good girl’s, cos, you know, I’m awesome. Sometimes Little L even sounds like she’s growling too – ‘Kkkkiirrrrraaaaaaarrrrr’, usually when things get a bit boring with all this WORK stuff, and I munch on something that looks like it should be one of my toys. I work so hard. All this training, and being asked to ‘sit’ and ‘heel’ and waking up in the night every night – I need to be paid more, seriously. If that payment comes in tasty books and soft toys, you’d understand, right?

I thought so. You seem very understanding. I think we’re going to be good friends, you and I. I’ve decided to keep this Little L, and her family. I’ll keep you posted on how it’s going, keeping her and that finger blood business under control.