OH. MY. DOG.

I’m not sure if you remember about my farm visit and not being allowed to play with other dogs because of not being de-selected or dissected or some funny word, but I do. Because now I know WHY. It’s not called dissected, it’s called desexed. But it really means dissected.

They cut me open to remove my girl bits. WHY? I have no idea. They didn’t tell me why. They just said “off we go Kira. We’re going to the vet today for a lovely holiday and a sleep with treats at the other end”.

There was a lovely sleep, with rabbits, and butterflies, and giant flying slabs of steak, and boats, and flying people, but I had to wear a funny mask over my face to get this sleep. And the pain!!!! I haven’t had pain before. I don’t think I’ll do it again. Pain is worse than missing two dinners.

PUPPY’S DAILY TIP: IF ANYONE TRIES TO CUT OUT YOUR GIRLY BITS, JUST SAY NO. 

They were smiling when I woke up and they picked me up from the vet house. I have no idea what the smiling was about. Pain!! So much pain! I was sewn up like a teddy bear. Maybe they wanted to check me out like those frogs Little L watches on those science shows in the afternoon after school. They dissect them, opening them right up to check things out on their insides. By the way, frogs, AMIRIGHT? Delish. They covered up the fishpond after they figured out I can swim for my own snacks.

After I was split like a frog and sewn up, and Little L and A came and picked me up, I went home and did more sleeping. My head felt really strange and was spinning around, like Little L says hers does when she’s low. So I closed my eyes. I couldn’t drink. I couldn’t even eat. Clearly I was poisoned and dying. I went out to pee, and threw up. Then threw up again. And again. It was the spinning I think. Poor me.

I went out late, late at night, right before bed, then I threw up some more. I went to bed, weak, broken, never to wake up again.

The next morning I woke up. Clayton took me to work so I could die there instead of with the big granddaddy Herbie. I started to feel better by about the next day so I decided not to die, and instead went home and licked all the people and ate all the food.

So: here’s my daily tip. Actually, today there are two. Pain is bad. Avoid it.
And, if anyone tries to cut out your girly bits in exchange for a lovely sleep, just say NO.