I may be only a dog, but I’m smarter than I look. What, I already look smart? I like you. You can stay.
How do I know? It’s a fair question, since I still frequently get involved in questionable activities like chasing sticks, barking at wind in the trees, and chasing my tail.

The thing is, though, I have an amazing nose. If my girl L smells funny, and I bump the mum Kim’s hand to lick it, she asks me if we want to test Lauren and I do my super beg until she gets the test kit and does a finger prick. Sometimes I win and get a treat if she’s low, and sometimes not, because maybe she smells weird from her blood sugar dropping really fast. It’s still hard to tell. I’m still learning.

I’m done learning some days. I just want to be adult and know everything like the old guy Herbie. Have you heard of that pregnant woman thing called pica? Well, I have it, and no, I’m not. Never ask a lady if she’s expecting, unless the puppies are already walking out one by one. Manners, people. I just can’t seem to get over the taste for poo. It was food before, and so it basically still is right? But I keep getting in trouble for it.

Puppy’s daily tip: Child proof lids are not dog proof

Looking it up in Wikipedia, (YES DUH I can read- I’m a dog, not an amoeba), it says it involves eating non-nutritive substances for at least a month (check!). It’s apparently caused by a mineral deficiency.

So today I took matters into my own hands. (Yes, ok paws. Pedants!) Strawberry-flavoured fish oil, high in omega 3 to fire up my brain and make me uber- smart, and nutrients to address whatever needs addressing on the pica front.

Childproof lid?! HA. I ate the lot. Now the world is expanding around me, Matrix style. The smartest dog in the world is about to stop bullets and bend some spoons with her mind.

Right after I go and eat a bit of poo to get that plastic strawberry taste out of my mouth.